Accepting the truth

I dunno what’s happening in my life nowadays. And I dun think so if I can still handle it all. What I only wish for is to live happily wit my family…… but why all of these happening to me?!? I DON’T KNOW… T.T

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When I was in first year high school, I always dream about my future (what would actually happen to me together with my siblings after 10 years). Are we going to have a decent job? And blah blah blah.. so on and so forth. I WANT to help my parents after I finished my studies.. I really want to pursue that dream ever since…

I thought my dream will sooooon come true.. as in soon.. I was excited for that dream.. really. But that excitement changed to sadness. My dream turned to gray…… as if it’s like fading.. day by day……

And I have to accept these truths whether I like it or not:

It’s been a year since my older sister got pregnant. And each of the members of our family accepts that b-i-t-t-e-r fact ― that she did a very BIG mistake in her entire life. and so I did accept it too.. Besides,we have no other choice…

Yup. Fiona is my very first niece. She’s really cute.. and absolutely smart, I think. ^___^ I’m helping them to take care of her though I really really hate TAKING CARE of babies/kids/children or whatsoever… It’s so irritating! But its okay… I just hope that she’ll grow up well and nice. ^^

I thought this is the last big mistake that would ever happen in our family. But I was wrong.. again…. T.T

I’ll be having my second nephew/niece…… SOON. My brother will be having his first baby wit his girlfriend. He’s not finish with his studies yet he’ll be having a baby?!? oh em ji. >_> If that’s what he want in his life. No problemo. There’s no choice anyway but to accept it again. T.T

*#^%@&?!

F_____

Erghhh… I guess we’re just very unlucky. Very unfortunate. Yeah I know… My very own dream flew…… in the space. XD I want to cry…… cry and cry and cry………………and shout…………… I want to ask Him why He’s doing these to me……… I want to blame Him.. for what he had done in my family… But I know… all of these are just trials.. so… I still thank Him….

It’s just that…

It hurts… really.. when your own parents doubt you.. especially when they lost their trust. They keep on telling me that there’s a “possibility” that I’ll get pregnant too.. so they’re strict every now and then.. It’s so sad that my parents think that I can do the same way my two siblings did. :( It really affects me.

WTF. Darnit.

NOTE:
You’re free to give me some advice… It will help me.. a lot… T.T